Nakahama

"It isn't perfect, I still have my doubts. I still have my difficulties. I still.. well, I am not... well I am not as perfect as the words might make my experience sound," she says, smiling a little. "No no, everything is still just as difficult it just.. it's about acceptance? I think. I don't.. I don't have all the answers as much as anyone. I just try my best to accept what I can't control, and to do with that which I can what I can."

Another bittersweet grin. "To a point I envy you, Yasuki sama. Not the kind of envy that wants to destroy someone, but to preserve. To follow your steps and become someone else. Your world sounds a quiet one. Mine is as loud as it gets and I do have fun, I cannot deny that, but there are times that everything is too overwhelming."

"It's so strange," she says, looking out back over the pond. Getting into a mindset to consider things from anothers point of view. "I would not have thought my life that envious. Things are mostly the same with each new rise. I spend all day speaking with those who would rather not speak with me, but must. Then, I enjoy as best I can the brief moments of silence, where I can finally not be on a near constant edge that something might go wrong or I might say the wrong thing. Then the day sets, and rises again. Maybe it is just that any life can seem envious if we only focus on the few parts we can shove into a moment, or a conversation?" she asks, looking to Senshuken.

She nods as she takes the wise lesson in.

"You are right. It has been quite the day for me and I might not be thinking clearly. I was not in love, but I felt strong attraction to a person. Not just physical, but mental as well." She shrugs. "Things did not go as planned so now I'm left wondering if there was anything I could have done differently. I cannot let the thoughts go so easily. Acceptance. That's what I lack and what spoils my day."

Honoka thinks really hard about something for a while. Gazing across the garden in the span of time, she just takes in the beauty around them. For a conversation about such big topics whom could choose a better place. With a smile, Honoka would look back to Senshuken and regard her for just a breath before committing.

"You probably could have," she says, with a.. is that perhaps a tease to her tone? Surely not, Honoka would never and yet she has. "But I stress myself with all the different choices I could make during nearly every decision enough to know that at least. Could you have had a better outcome? Perhaps, but is that the way focus? Now.. could you have acted in a way that was more centered," Honoka puts a hand on Crabbo at her side. "We cannot change what is done, but we can do better later."

"Which is something I hope to live up to as well," she adds.

"I am more like the hit or miss type. I don't think a lot. I strike first and hope for the best. With instinct over deep thoughts. I cannot say that it works every time and this time?" She chuckles bitterly. "It didn't work at all, but that's who I am. There's no second chance to walk a different path. I lost so now I'm jusy trying to deal with this fact. There will be no second effort. A chance to act differently."

Honoka watches Senshuken as she explains, there's an almost conspiratorial look to her. When she finishes, Honoka will simply say, "Well, you are yet pretty young, Bayushi-san. I think that is a very normal way to feel."

She tilts her head. "I am a samurai. A diplomat. A scion of the Bayushi family. Age cannot be an excuse for any failure. Either on a professional or a personal level."

Honoka looks to Senshuken the way an adult looks to a child who hasn't gotten it yet, and knows can't be convinced otherwise until they learn through their own experience. A soft smile, Honoka pats her lap in thought.

"Well, Bayushi-san. I think that I must be going, to ensure I do not lose track of the day. I would like to thank you for spending this morning with me and talking, it has been refreshing."

Senshu grins and offers a seated bow. "Thank you for the conversation, Yasuki sama. I will be praying that you have the best possible day. And night!"

(thank you for the scene!)

"Your prayers are greatly," which she says this word with the most possible significance, "appreciated. And I hope you too find peace, or perhaps even.. something more than simply peace with what it is you face, or have faced," she says with a smile.

Rising from her seat, she bows deeply in appreciation for Senshuken's words, and then, with a glance to Hiroto to make him aware of her intent, departs.

(Thank you!!!)